Hello, again. I wasn't sure after yesterday's shitshow if I would come back. All I did know was that everytime I read it, it filled my whole body with so much sadness (I instantly began crying when I typed that just now) that I just wanted to close my internet app and open my Angry Birds app. Wow. And that is Generation Y wrapped up for you. I want to smother my sadness with Angry fucking Birds.
Today, I should be taking the Christmas decorations, lights & tree down. But alas, I am not. Why, you ask? Because I don't have any drugs in my body. Except the one to ease withdrawals, which usually can get me through work.. but can never make you get up and do work. I don't even eat until 6:00 in the evening, I have that little motivation. I'm unemployed and have been since the beginning of December. It makes me feel truly worthless and disgusting. That statement left me speechless here for literally 10 minutes.
I need to get off drugs. I desperately just want to hear someone tell me that they have done it on their own. I have to get my GED and go to school. Everyone I grew up with, even my boyfriend has a career or is in school. Everyone is moving and growing up so fast and I've been treading water for 5 years. They are all hares and I'm not even a tortoise.. I've been a god damn snail stuck on my shell. It's so sad to hear myself say it, but I don't even feel that I want to go to school for what I thought I did..
Now what I'm about to say, you cannot laugh at. I feel incredibly stupid as it is for talking for the past 8 years about going to cosmetology school to do hair, and now I feel I may have changed my mind. I'm not even sure of the job options, but I just want to do anything I can to help the environment. I know it sounds so fucking corny and I don't live a "green" lifestyle, but this past year has opened my eyes to what's going on around us.
The whole world is living for today and tomorrow and nobody is thinking of the future. We could've turned this problem around 10 years ago, but we choose not to. Did you know that SunChips stopped making the eco-friendly bag because it was too fucking loud. Are you shitting me? We are CHOOSING to destroy our planet and the only thing right-wingers are thinking is how can we take over the middle east so we can pump their land dry of any oil there may be. "Fuck our children and grandchildren, they can use that corn oil shit. We figured it out, they just gotta put the shit into action."
Seriously? We figure out alternate fuel options and we choose not to use them. Everyone says that it would cost too much money to mandatorily make the world go green, and on top of that, India and China expect the other countries to pay for them to go green because they "can't afford it." So why the fuck do it? These plans should've been put in motion years ago, but instead we are simply going to wait until it is too late. That is the human's solid way of blocking shit out. If you can't see it, it's not there.
So, maybe on December 21st, 2012 or sometime in mine or my children's lifetime, we'll realize that it's too late, but I just want to know that I tried. I went and did something about it. I've got too many good intentions to sit here wasting away as an addict. Wake up! There's more important things in life than a little buzz! But how can I reach that point of peace? Where I don't need drugs to live a happy life? Until next time..
I had an intravenous speed habit for about 5 years. I used every single day and literally couldn't get up and could hardly even move without drugs.
ReplyDeleteI haven't used any drugs at all for about four and a half years now and I did it myself.
You are not past the point of no return. You can stop it and still live a happy life.