Hello, digital therapist..

     I wanted to let you know off the bat that my name is not Kate. I feel terrible beginning our relationship with a lie, but it makes me feel better knowing that this is somewhat anonymous and anyone in my real world cannot find out who this is.
     I'll be 21 this year and I've been addicted to painkillers for the past 5 years. That was so hard to write, it took me about 6 minutes to word it 12 different ways and I ended up going right back to what I originally typed. I suppose there is no way to sugar-coat it. I'm so ashamed and fearful that anyone will realize who is behind this, but I'm so afraid that if I don't come here I may lose it in real life. I'm so alone in my head all day, I could cry on the spot at any moment. I'm bawling as I type this on a $1,000+ MacBook Air.
     It makes me realize how much more to life there is than this stuff.. from the time we're born until the day we die, it is pounded in our brain that we must consume consume consume, OR ELSE. Buy this cologne, perfume, toothpaste, make-up or nobody will ever fuck or love you. Buy this car, drink this beer, wear these clothes, spend ungodly amounts of money on a cellphoneGPScomputermovietheatertropicalisland all-in-one, OR ELSE. Or else, what?
     We are killing the beautiful world we live in with our technology. Pumping the earth dry of every natural resource and I'm wasting my life being a drug addict when I should be doing something about it.
     I'm at a crossroad, where I feel I need to get clean and go to school and do something with my life or teeter-totter in crappy waitressing jobs just to waste another year of my life on drugs. Clearly, the latter does not seem appealing but I'm afraid I don't have the strength for the prior.
     I'm embarassed to even tell the fucking internet that I don't have a high school diploma. I still need to get my GED, and I don't even know if I can do that. How sad. I was in AP everything and got A's all my life. I think this may be all that I can share with you today.. It makes me too sad to see my life-in-a-nutshell right in front of me.
     I know it is ridiculous of me to expect a response from the world, but is it possible for me to get clean on my own? I don't want this anymore. I want to have a normal, loving relationship again with my boyfriend. I want to grow up and do things with my life. I can't even remember how to have fun without drugs. I guess this is it, for now. Maybe we'll see each other again tomorrow- all I know is it feels good for someone (actually, no one) to listen.